So, I had one of those mornings today. You know the kind. I was running about 10 minutes late getting my son to school, a total scramble. After I finally got him dropped off, I was walking home, trying to get my head straight, and I saw this group of parents on the corner, maybe six of them, all huddled together and chatting. One of the women turned and waved, and I just naturally smiled and waved back. And then I realized... oh. She was waving to the guy walking behind me. My hand just sort of dropped. It was so awkward.
What really got me, though, was that I’ve actually tried with some of these moms. The one who was waving at ‘John’? I had her over for coffee last year. I’ve texted her just to see how she was doing because I knew she was starting a business and, wow, I know how hard that is. I even went out of my way to help when she texted me last summer out of the blue asking about my sitter. So yeah, it just stung a little.
As I walked past them, I swear, I was 16 again. Just for a second. It was that same feeling of being on the outside of the popular kids' circle, where you just know they’re making comments about everyone who walks by. It’s a feeling that just shrinks you right down to nothing.
Later that morning, I went to yoga, which is supposed to be my one hour of peace, you know? A place to just breathe. But of course, the woman on the mat next to me had her phone face up the entire time. The ringer was off, but the screen kept lighting up with texts and notifications, and it was so distracting. I couldn't find my focus at all.
I was just so done. I mean, first the snub at the school, and now this. I was fuming. I turned to her, all ready to say something, and before I could even get a word out, she looked right at me and said, “I’m so sorry, I have a sick child at home and I needed to keep it on during class.” Well, that shut me up fast. All that self-righteous anger just… evaporated. And I felt like such a complete jerk. In ten seconds, I realized I’d just done the exact same thing to her that I was so mad at those parents for doing to me.
I'm always telling my kids not to jump to conclusions, and here I am, being a big fat hypocrite. I mean, what do I really know about that group of parents? Absolutely nothing. Maybe they were there supporting a friend who just got bad news. Maybe they feel just as awkward as I do and they’ve found a little group that feels safe. Or what if they were planning something nice for the teachers? My whole internal story about them being judgmental was just that—a story I made up. Who was I to judge them?
I’ve tried so hard to raise my kids to be open-minded and kind, and I guess that means I have to lead by example, for real. Today was a big lesson. It reminds me of all the good things I actually have in my life. And it really brings back something my dad used to say to me when I was little, “When you point one finger at someone, remember there are three pointing back at you!” He was so right.
These last few years have been tough on everyone, I think. But despite all of it, there’s still so much to be grateful for. So as the holidays get closer, I’m just reminding myself to try and do a little less judging and a little more... Thanksgiving.
It’s a work in progress, I guess.
Happy Holidays from the entire MommaBear Team.
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