Unless you’ve been living completely off-grid, you couldn't have missed the global pandemic that started back in March of 2020. I’m not ashamed to admit it was a really, really dark time for me. For my sanity. Every single place I looked, it was just bad news. Turning on the TV or even glancing at a newspaper became this event I had to brace myself for. I’d try to prepare for the worst, you know, take a deep breath, but it was never enough for how bad things actually were. And if you lived anywhere near a city, you got the worst of it. It wasn't just the death tolls on the news; it was the constant sound of sirens, and even worse, the dead silence of empty streets. It was deafening.
My parents live in Corona, Queens, right near Elmhurst hospital, which was basically ground zero. They told me about neighbors in their apartment building who passed away. The whole world just felt like it was drowning in despair. A bunch of us tried to cling to anything hopeful, like watching ‘Some Good News’ with John Krasinski or just binging comedy specials on Netflix to feel something good for a minute.
Honestly, it felt like our generation’s World War. I mean, nothing in my lifetime has ever felt as world-shattering as 2020.
I was dealing with the worst anxiety I have ever felt. Maybe some PTSD, and a sadness that felt a lot like depression. It was bad. I started to think something was seriously wrong with me. I was jumpy all the time, paranoid, crying for no reason, and I completely lost my appetite. But the part that really broke me was how it was affecting my ability to be a mom. To just be a person. That hit me the hardest. Kids need you so much at any age, but toddlers… their entire world depends on you being okay, mentally and physically. My thoughts would just spiral, telling me how badly I was failing at this whole parenting thing, this whole life thing. It put me in a really dark place.
So, sometime in the middle of that summer, I just decided to turn it all off. Yup. The TV went off, and I put my phone as far away from me as possible, only picking it up for the absolute essentials.
Now, I know a lot of people might think that was just naive. How could I just check out and live in a bubble when the world was falling apart and people were dying? Well, it was the only way I could function. The only way I could get through the day. And you might think I was completely cut off, but that wasn't really the case. My husband, who has a much stronger stomach for this stuff, kept me in the loop. The deal was... he'd filter it and only tell me the things I absolutely needed to know.
I get that not everyone has a partner who can do that. But honestly, even without him, I think I still would have been informed enough. I mean, news travels. Friends, family, the occasional article I’d read on a trusted site… I wasn’t totally in the dark.
What was so much better, though, was that I was suddenly creating some of the best memories with my kids. I still get a little teary thinking about it. With all that mental space I wasn't using to freak out, we got to do some pretty wonderful things.
Here’s some of what we got up to:
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Picked up baking. Oh yeah, the quarantine weight came right back on. But seriously, if you don’t think making rainbow cookies with your kids is pure joy, or watching them cover a gingerbread house in so much glittery sugar it looks like magic… you’d be dead wrong! It was messy and perfect.
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I started cooking. And I mean, really cooking. Discovering new recipes felt like a little adventure every night. I swear, I made the best meatballs of my entire life! (Hint; I learned the secret is not to add too many bread crumbs. The mix should look a little wet, not dry. And also... old, dried-out bread is FANTASTIC for it!).
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We picked up new hobbies. The Cincinnati Zoo was doing these virtual tours with their animals, which was so cool. We had a blast watching them. Afterward, I’d pull out some drawing paper and finger paints, and we’d each try to make our own version of our favorite animal. We also got into yoga! There’s this thing called Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube, and it was a lifesaver. I did it right along with them, and it was such a good reminder for all of us to just be mindful and breathe. That helped me get through some of my roughest patches, for sure.
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We had dance parties. You know when you dance in the shower like absolutely no one is watching? That’s what we did in the living room. Spotify has a station called ‘Kidz Bop’ that has all the current pop songs but is kid-friendly (so, no cursing). If you are ever in a bad mood, I promise you, turn everything else off, put that on, and just have a wild dance party with your kids. Nothing will shake off a bad mood faster.
But most importantly, I took more time to just be present with my family. Not fake present, where I’m physically there but my mind is a million miles away, running through the ten chores I needed to do after they went to bed. No, I was really there. And that, I think, is what made me a better parent and a better person.
These days, I still prefer listening to educational podcasts over watching the news, and I’m truly in a better place. For some, I know the struggle is still so, so real, so please don't ever feel judged for doing what you need to do to get through a hard time. It really does help to share what you're feeling, whether it's with a doctor or just a community of friends and family.
If you have any advice on things that helped you get through a difficult time, I'd love to hear it. Feel free to share in the comments below, or tag us @mommabear_usa.
It’s strange, isn’t it? How sometimes you have to unplug from the big, noisy world to really plug back into the small, important one right in front of you. I guess I’m still learning how to do that.
